E6:4

After working out at the Y this morning, as usual I went over to the mats to stretch out. Near me were two young men, one obviously new to the Y environment and looking as if he did indeed need more exercise in his weekly routine. They were stretching, too.

The fitter and very verbal young man was giving his less-experienced friend lots of tips. I was impressed — twice. First, because they were guys, and from what I've seen, few guys bother with stretching before or after work-outs. Second, because it seemed kind of the athletic one to be so careful with his friend and give him so much attention and time.

Then abruptly, the picture changed. They moved onto the carpet next to the mats and changed to a lunging sort of move to work their quads. The non-confident newbie¹, rather than finding some space of his own, stepped in between his buff² friend and the mats. However, no doubt because of newness and lack of comfort about what he was doing, he broke an unwritten guy rule. His "friend" burst out, "Oh, my G–! Don't be such an idiot!!! There's plenty of room over there!" and he gestured with his arm to a nearby aisle, finished the stretch and stomped off across the room to work out alone on one of the machines. Also abruptly, I ceased being impressed and hoped that this sort of thing didn't happen very often. If it does, it's a hurtful "friendship" no matter how much the newbie learns about lifting weights and proper stretches.

How about at your house? When your children don't do exactly what you'd like them to, what's the pattern of your response? When, without realizing it or in childlike-ness or simply because she is still a newbie in many areas, your child does something less than favorable, do you all too often react with irritation, or even an "Oh, my G–! Don't be (such a pain, so stupid, so annoying, so ——–)!"

From the 94^th question of the Heidelberg Catechism, we learn that we "ought properly to acknowledge the only true God, trust in him alone, in humility and patience expect all good from him only, and love, fear and honor him with (our) whole heart." In her book, "Teaching Preschoolers," ³ Ruth Beechik briefly describes a childhood that would encourage such a trusting view of God:

"A child from a God-fearing home, who has his security needs met, is learning to trust. He first trusts parents, teachers and others in his world, and later, from this trust, he will learn what it means to trust God. A child who in his early years receives love and gives love to those in his immediate world will later know how to love God. A child who knows a loving father can see God as his loving heavenly Father."

It's true that some children do not experience a loving human father. Fortunately, we are not the only source for our child's learning to trust and love a heavenly Father.

We are responsible, though, for what takes place between us and our child. The patterns of the interactions we have with our child teach him to expect the same.

Yes, we make many, many mistakes; on days when we’ve dealt with difficulties at work, or when we are distracted with worries, or have just found out that the car repair bill is going to be double what we thought it was, it’s easy to snap and respond with annoyance to childish behavior or a poorly-timed question. We are sinful people, and we will mess up. The key, though, is the status quo.

Is your child learning to expect good from you?

Next time, some practical ways to build the expectation of good…

¹newbie: a newcomer, esp. an inexperienced user of the Internet or of computers in general. dictionary.com

²buff: Slang. physically attractive; muscular. dictionary.com

³ Teaching Preschoolers: It's Not Exactly Easy but Here is How to Do It, Ruth Beechik, Accent, June 1979. p. 27. Out of print.

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