E6:4

Recent studies indicate that many people are becoming increasingly indifferent to rules and laws. In the UK, nearly two-thirds of people often break laws if they think they will get away with it.¹  Studies in the U.S. have had similar results: 90% of Americans break laws frequently and without a qualm.²

Actress Evan Rachael Wood was interviewed recently about her upcoming movie, "Across the Universe," which features the music of the Beatles. Referring to the group's influence, Wood stated, "They … really did change the world. To this day, they just seem so untouched and pure, like kids are before they're taught all these rules."³

The character of the Beatles notwithstanding, do rules really corrupt the lovely purity of children? Contrast Wood's outlook with that instructed by the Westminster Larger Catechism:

Question 127: What is the honor that inferiors owe to their superiors?

Answer: The honor which inferiors owe to their superiors is, all due reverence in heart, word, and behavior; prayer and thanksgiving for them; imitation of their virtues and graces; willing obedience to their lawful commands and counsels; due submission to their corrections; fidelity to, defense and maintenance of their persons and authority, according to their several ranks, and the nature of their places; bearing with their infirmities, and covering them in love, that so they may be an honor to them and to their government. 

In a world created by an all-powerful God, rules and laws are for our benefit and obedience to them brings blessing.  

Are your children learning about willing obedience? Is it a hallmark of your life?

Lord, teach us to be obedient so we might show our children how best to honor you.  

¹ Has Lawbreaking Become A Social Norm 

² Criminal Nation 

³ "'Thirteen no more' - Rachel Evan Wood grows up

We often look at the past with fond eyes and a flexible memory. "Remember when… "  Remember when children rode bikes without helmets? Remember when you didn't have to worry so much when your eight year old walked to the store alone? 

In reality, there has never been and never will be a "safe" time for children to grow up. At all times children need aware, intentional parents, parents with a purpose.

One of the tricky aspects of parenting is that much of what we do does not have immediate effects. It's not so easy to see the connection between some of our parenting habits now and the young adult of the future. What do children need while they're growing up? What kind of experiences will shape them into the adults of good character we hope they will become? 

I've been thinking about possible answers to those questions, and I've attempted a list. It is by no means complete, but here's my first draft:

1. consistent, regular, age-appropriate instruction in Christian belief and practice, at home as well as at church
2. consistent, regular opportunities to worship and pray and fellowship with others within the body of Christ
3. living with "no" — and that doesn't mean, putting up with it. It means, living with it, graciously, respectfully.  They need to learn this one now, because throughout all the years of their lives, it's going to come up again, and again, and …
4. compassionate service
5. wonder — the anti-cynicism drug
6. being read to and reading to
7. discussion and thinking about ideas bigger than what is familiar 
8. open-field play — free to run within safe boundaries
9. putting off getting something they want — contentment comes from *not* getting everything they're wishing for
10. postponing or setting aside their own wishes for the sake of another — it's not just about "paying it forward" and feeling good when we do something nice; sometimes another person takes higher priority over one's own concerns and needs
11. perseverance — keeping going even when they don't feel like it

What would you add to my list? What would your list include?

Memories aren't always a thing of the past!

In the Presbyterian church, when parents bring their child for baptism, they promise to "live the Christian faith, and to teach that faith to their child." This involves more than bringing a child to Sunday school; nurture and guidance in Christian faith should happen in the home, as well.

Easy to say — it's a little harder to know how to do that. 

Recently, I ran across an article¹ in which the author suggests one way for parents to nurture a young child's faith is with memorization. He has also written a "Small Child's Catechism²", 50 simple and short questions that begin with "Who made you?" and touch on some of the most essentials points of faith. Adults would do well to learn them, too! Far from being "too much" for little ones, consider this from our Book of Order, section W-2.3008b:

The Baptism of children witnesses to the truth that God's love claims people before they are able to respond in faith.

God's love for and claim upon us does not depend on our ability to fully understand what that means. What a comforting thought! What better time to plant the seeds of belief than in childhood?

Rather than being dry and boring or an oppressive chore forced upon them, memorizing can be a low-key, non-threatening activity. It can be done together at the dinner table, part of the  going-to-bed routine, and treated as a game as parents and children memorize together.  Older children who might otherwise consider the task as childish could take a turn leading the family in this. 

It is not necessary to explain the questions and answers (unless, of course, they ask). Just learn them. The truths they contain will speak to the child's heart, mind and soul — planting memories for the future.

¹ http://www.credenda.org/issues/10-1wholecounsel.php

² http://www.credenda.org/issues/7-5doctrine101.php

The sad story of the Virginia Tech shootings has given all of us much to think about. For parents, just one more thing to wonder: "what is my child like inside? is she angry, really angry?"

Anger happens — even in "nice" families. Siblings annoy one another, parents get in bad moods, situations at school and work seem unjust. Jesus said, "be angry but do not sin." What does that mean? How can we help our children and teenagers handle this emotion? especially when perhaps we ourselves struggle with it, too?

Some months ago, I heard about the book The Heart of Anger. I haven't yet read it, so cannot personally recommend it — this is just an F.Y.I. It is a Christian parenting book, and was reviewed very positively by buyers at Amazon. (The photo links to the page at Amazon) If you read The Heart of Anger, let me know what you think!  

The Easter Sunday edition of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette featured an article on the proliferation of iPod and other "specialty" Bibles. They come in many formats, even a fold-out type that you can buy for someone in any branch of the U.S. military.

One group targeted by specialty Bible publishers is young people. Great, right? We want our teens to be reading the Bible. Things aren't always what they seem, though — one comment in the article caught my attention. It was made in reference to a Bible for teenagers put out like a "glossy lifestyle magazine".¹

"The sidebars … help teenagers think through and apply what they are reading," (said a Mr. Chris White.) "The bad thing is that there's a culture of cool, and I think this ends up reinforcing it. There are a lot of things in life that don't look cool, but are incredibly good. This may be reinforcing style over substance."¹

Mr. White's comment is worth thinking about. It's not about whether teens should have Bibles designed to look cool, maybe they should! It's about the persistent pattern in our culture and even in our churches of re-packaging things so they are palatable. 

Children raised with their hearts, minds and souls aligned to the Culture of Cool will find it difficult to live faithfully. God's ways are not always palatable; sometimes they make us feel downright uncomfortable.

Christians are not to be anti-social, but the degree and form of one's participation in society's cultural "norms" should be shaped by what we believe and not the other way around. 

As parents, are we reinforcing our children's allegiance to the Culture of Cool or the Culture of Christ? 

¹ http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07098/776168-51.stm